This is a letter to Alexis aged 9 and Kieran aged 8 from the heart of your daddy.
Your future does not lie in front of you it lays deep inside you; life is not about finding yourself it’s about creating yourself. When you experience something that isn’t what you had planned just remember; Life is a roller-coaster and you better do what I teach you every day. Run at it and get your ass in the front seats throw your arms in the air, scream and enjoy the ride. Always try to better yourselves not by being selfish but by helping those less fortunate. Remember titles and money are material it’s what you do when no one is looking that really counts.
Always give back more than what is expected, try to find the joy in all the choices you make. If you ever feel like you’re all alone and you can’t do something just remember that in the end good beats bad every time. Your daddy will always be by your side no matter what, no matter where and no matter when. Having you both was the best thing that ever happened to me and I am thankful.
I have always been so full of pride to be able to call you my Children. A young woman to be proud of and a gentleman I can shout about from the rooftops. I have always been proud of everything you have done. Your intellect, humour and personality are shaping you into beautiful young people.
You have already been through more than you should have and seen things children should be protected from. I couldn’t protect you at first, how could I, I didn’t know what was going on. The second I found out I made it my top priority to get you out of that place and although it took 18 months. I continued fighting against the very people who should have protected you I managed to get custody of you.
When you came to live with me I went from a dad who was allowed a phone call every Wednesday and a visit every other weekend to full-time daddy. The adaptation to my life was fast and hard, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I gave up playing football and seeing my mates. I gave up on PlayStation marathons. No longer did I live on takeaways and coke (The drink).
Bedtimes, Meal times and routines were unheard of for me. I mentioned in a previous post “Balancing sanity, insanity and indescribable love”. I ate when I wanted to, slept when I was tired and washed when I smelt. Literally the next day I learnt the joys of shopping for school uniform (4 days before the new term). Little things like learning shoe sizes made me soo happy, how sad is that?
I remember doing a lot of reading that night. I had to teach myself about child hygiene (You grebs). The importance of sleep, Routine and proper discipline all this didn’t really matter before. It’s different when you only see your children for 36 hours a fortnight, you relax the rules a little. I had to learn to cook, clean more than just dust, (How much juice does an 8-year-old spill, SERIOUSLY)
Eight months later and we have so much fun. I knew that no matter how hard things got I made the right choice. Even after losing my house, My job and almost my car. We have so much fun playing in parks, exploring museums and generally dicking about. I love teaching you new card games or how to play board games. (Its well easy to beat a kid at monopoly). Helping you to learn new things or assisting you with your homework when you’re struggling. It is the best!!!!
I thought I enjoyed life the way it used to be but I was so wrong. All I was doing was making myself busy filling in the time until our next visit. We still have a long way to go. I have loads I wish were different. I want to make it so your mum has better contact with you I want her to make better choices so you can start sleepovers again. teaching you how to use a knife and fork at 9 years old is hard, I don’t want you to feel like a baby. One day you will know the importance of all I do.
My wish for you is simple it is a wish that I pray comes true. I wish that your life becomes everything that you want it to be, your dreams stay big and pure and your worries small. You will never have to carry a Burden that you can’t confide in me with. Please remember while you are out there getting to wherever it is you want to be. Always remember your roots.
Finally and most importantly I hope that one day you will read this letter. I hope that you fulfil all the potential that your early years indicate you’re capable of. Also, know that I will love you no matter what you do or who you become. I will always want the same things that you do and I will never turn my back on either of you. No matter what day, no matter what time I am here and I am going nowhere.